won't you just take me by the hand

apparently a lot can be said bout a couple just by watching how they hold hands. none of which i would actually know bout, but that's what they say.

so i spent some time checking out how other couples hold hands. perhaps it sounds a bit voyeuristic, but really, it's all right out there in the open anyway.

there were those who held hands palm to palm while others interlaced their fingers. and then came the question of whose hand was on top, the girl or the guy's.

i took a look at how the alpha boy and i held hands. a few friends had commented before stating that we held hands differently from the supposed norm. we interlace our fingers which is relatively normal. what's different is that my hand is on top of his.

i checked out other couples again and realised that for the most part, the guy's hand was on top. they say it's a sign of dominance in the relationship. i totally disagree since i'm positive that i'm not the dominant one.

but i remember when we first started holding hands. the alpha boy naturally held my hand with our fingers interlaced and his hand under mine. it felt a lil strange 'coz i was used to my hand usually being under. so i switched position. but for some reason i realised that with him, my hand being under just felt strange. and so i switched back.

i guess we're kinda just stuck now with this apparently out of the norm way of holding hands, whatever that may or may not mean.

hey alpha, swedish ain't got nothing on ya

i hadn't met the swedish guy since march and it's not like we were in contact a whole lot after that either. just a few texts and emails here and there very sporadically.

but in the last possibly 2 months, we did talk bout (and by that i really mean text 'coz shocker if we actually ever talk on the phone) meeting up. and that only finally happened last night.

i must say that initially i felt a lil strange. you know, the whole meeting up with someone you used to go out with (even though it wasn't official or anything but you get my drift). but there was nothing in our texts to ever communicate any form of interest still existed on either side and so i felt somewhat safe that it was just friends and not a case where it's implied that we'd pick up where we may or may not have left off.

honestly, we do get along pretty well. and the dinner was filled with our usual laughing and joking around and talking bout all sorts of stuff including relationship talk that wasn't related to me or him or any vague reference to us.

i've always enjoyed his company, that's a given. and i have to admit that in some way, the 2-hour dinner we had reminded me of why i even liked him in the first place. but for me, the romantic feelings were no longer there. though subconsciously i suppose i might have done some mental comparison between him and the alpha boy.

the swedish guy was "better" 'coz he was reasonably mild tempered, more goofy and currently a lot more stable in his career. the alpha boy is better 'coz he's very true blue, loves me and is mine.

i kinda think that the alpha boy wins.

some weekends really make you hate the onset of monday even more

work saw the alpha boy only arriving at my place at around 1.30am on a technically sunday morning. yes, i felt a lil self conscious bout being sans makeup. and yes, due to the fact that my bed is too small for the both of us and that i'm not very used to falling asleep with someone so close next to me, i didn't really sleep much.

but it was the best weekend ever.

and it was either that we're both medical mysteries who weren't too plagued or we were just too distracted, the morning breath wasn't too much of an issue. and not sleeping much throughout the night didn't really bother me too much either when i had him lying right there next to me... or on me...

we did nothing much more than simply lazing around in bed or watching dvds. definitely plenty of fun times that will be in the recesses of my memory for some time to come...

call me selfish but i like this

jo: what am i?
the alpha boy: you're mine*

and this is why i've realised that i love monogamous relationships. 'coz when it does work like it's supposed to, you have this secure knowledge that he's yours and you're his and neither of you has to share the other. and that's a comforting thought.

*disclaimer: both he and i know that i'm so much more than just his, i'm my own fabulous person too :)

excuse me while i go panic a lil...

shocking as it may seem, the alpha boy has never actually spent a night at my place before. this is purely due to our non conducive living arrangements.

but due to a temporary change in those living arrangements for the weekend, we've made plans for him to spend the night at my place tomorrow.

and cue slight panic.

i mean i know all the fun stuff that would probably (oh dear god i hope so) come along with him staying over. but he's going to see me sans makeup. we're going to have to deal with morning breath. there's hardly any space in my tiny bed for the 2 of us. i'm not sure if i can fall asleep with someone so close next to me. the list goes on...

so yes, slight panic.

oh tiger, you're not outta the woods yet

it's everywhere. you can't escape it. tiger woods and his multiple transgressions. while this whole scandal is largely very exciting for me (for other reasons than it simply being juciy gossip), i have to admit that it did get me thinking bout cheating.

this has always been something i worry bout, especially since the statistics of men who cheat aren't comforting. and then again you have to define what exactly constitutes cheating. is it an emotional connection? a physical expression? what if you were drunk? how bout flirting? going out with a possible intention? the list of question marks goes on.

which is why i think it's generally a good idea to be with someone who just doesn't even dance along those dangerous lines (even if he could). and this makes the alpha boy especially good to have.

just last night, i happened to "stalk" cutie aussie colleagues summer vacation pictures on his online social utility site. and i came across all these exciting pictures of him lazing on a boat, partying in the sun, partying in the night, hugging many different women... you get the picture. an awesome time, no doubt. i almost wished my life was half as exciting as that.

but while i do believe that cutie aussie colleague is a good guy and that i'm generally a rather confident and secure female, i must say that if he were my guy, i wouldn't exactly be the most thrilled to have him hugging many different women.

and it's times like these, in the midst of an ever increasing tiger woods scandal, that i really appreciate that for the most part ('coz you can never be too sure), i don't really have to worry bout that happening with the alpha boy. and that is something i always remind myself of when i occasionally get frustrated with him.

stereotypically this is what men want

while i'm realistic in that i'm not the hottest girl around, i do believe that i'm in no way considered unattractive by anyone's standards. but i also know that my "look" and personality only appeals to a rather niche market. story of my life.

in essence, i'm just not the typical sweet and demure type that so many guys seem to go for (yawn, how boring…). and recently this stereotype on what guys find attractive was reinforced.

the online social utility site is an amazing stalker device and for some reason or another, in the last week i had 2 guy friends stalking my site to check out my female friends. the funny thing was that out of all the female friends listed there, both of them basically asked bout the same girls!

i found that hilarious. those girls obviously weren't available since apparently they were the epitome of what guys wanted in appearance. but seriously, the same girls??

they were the sweet and demure types… at least in appearance. i don't know either of 'em well enough to comment on their personalities (though i'm sure that at least one of 'em is smart and has a mind of her own, incidentally she's married). but that just confirms it for me, most guys really are just looking for that "look", complete with long flowing hair.

so where does that leave me? with a boy whose "look" (unfortunately?) appeals to most girls, that's where.